Not even thinking for You

Rasa Ravi, 2021

I wish I could do anything You want anytime, immediately, when You want.
If You said “do this”, I would do it
without hesitation, without rationalizing, without even thinking about it.

Like a good AI robot who does not think for himself,
who is not even thinking for You,
just doing what You demand,
just doing what You wish.

Reasoning always kills the process,
always stops the reverse waterfall from proceeding.
Why am I thinking so much?
Why I cannot just feel without ruminating?

How can I achieve such purity that I would not wedge
a stream of thoughts between Your wish and the doing of it?
Why am I so mistrusting that I still need to think it over?

You revealed to me repeatedly that even if in the beginning
I do not understand Your wish and am afraid to do it,
not capable of entirely full subjugation,
at the end, after a long rationalizing process,
I always came to realize that what I did not understand,
I do comprehend now. Shame on me.

Even if I truly know that it is coming from You,
I still hesitate because of this mind,
because it is perpetually reasoning.
Although the reverse waterfall comes,
but later, attenuated and not spontaneous,
as if I had done everything You wanted instantly,
without putting thinking within it.

I wish I could do what You want,
that I really could be capable of it,
not just dreaming of it,
that I could do it without the need to understand,
without the sense that I need an answer to ‘why.’

I wish that if You commanded me,
I would not put thinking in between,
I would think neither for myself,
nor even think for You.
Simply bypassing thoughts,
I wish I could do what You want.